My mind has been shifting . And I think it’s for the better. No, probably for the best. I came across this quote yesterday, and it oh-so-perfectly sums up where I’ve been the last few months:
Over the last year or so, I’ve stretched myself theologically on so many levels. I’ve called into question many things I’ve believed wholeheartedly my entire life. I’ve bent my beliefs to the point of nearly breaking them. But by the Grace of God, I am only more in love with Jesus and the Scriptures.
But that A.W. Tozer quote puts so succinctly what Paul was getting at in 1 Corinthians 13: that knowledge and understanding, by themselves, are completely meaningless.
Am I, or have I been, completely spiritually empty? No. Have I been close? Of course. There has been some shaking of my spiritual life and community in general that has factored into this spiritual emptiness—this disconnected feeling—and I have been working towards healing and making those situations right. But beyond that, its just been too heavy of a focus on learning ABOUT God, and less of a focus on abiding IN God. Spending time WITH Him.
Do I believe theology and doctrine are unimportant? Not by any means. But I do believe there needs to be a perfect balance, and God has been tipping my scales in the right direction.
In the last few weeks, God has been doing a work in me. He has rekindled the experiential side of my faith. He has given me a new passion for walking with Him. He has, in a way, made me a little bored with theology for the time being. He has been more clearly and loudly showing His presence as the third (well, first) member of my wife and I’s “marital trinity”. I’m feeling less and less inclined to argue a theological point that, in light of the bigger picture, is more than likely near-meaningless anyway. I’m feeling less and less cynical. I’m feeling emotional again.
Best of all, I’m rediscovering Jesus for WHO HE IS, not for who I think He is. And I’m falling in love with Him all over again.
2 Comments
I definitely encourage you to continue in your spiritual reawakening.
I recently had to get smacked around for not being the spiritual leader for my family, because I realized that I was in a similar situation. I was learning a lot theologically, but I needed both to reignite the relationship I had with God, as well as help fan the flames in my wife and child.
this is such an exciting time for me as well. I feel like the things that used to keep me up at night wrestling with God regarding the ins, outs and what-have-you’s are of much less of a concern. It really seems like for me, anyways that everything I’ve experienced spiritually, searching and hoarding information (and occasionally mouthing off about it) is simply, cliche’ alert, prologue and that God’s got such bigger plans and abundance for us to live in the near future. Thanks for the testimony, I love that Tozer quote.