Philos and agape

I do know that I was not super buttoned up, and that I went in a few directions.

I think the questions that you raised are the questions I was hoping people would ask themselves and God after reading this. So I do not necessarily have an answer to those questions, because personally I believe that those answers may be different for each individual. I believe those questions are best answered by the Spirit of God.

The only question I have a real answer for is the last one, and I feel like I touched on it in the end of my post. We need to realize that we are created just the way we are and that our desires and our attractions and the ways that our minds/hearts/bodies react to these desires and attractions are creations of a perfect and loving God. We need to see ourselves in the image of Christ. When we do that, the ideas of using those desires for lustful, shameful, or exploitative reasons will be much much quieter than the lead of the Holy Spirit.

That’s really my two cents. Bless you and your honesty.

I was raised in an atmosphere similar to the one that you describe. I was taught, from an early age, that sex was a taboo subject that would have some sort of consequence. This was mostly learned by observation of my parents’ reactions to inappropriate images or language that was sexual in nature. My father and mother constantly made me aware of its existence by covering my eyes or by snicking if they were too late to shield me.

Over time, I began to burn inside. The images that I had never seen called to me. I had a deep desire to know, just as Adam and Eve did. I wanted to look. I wanted to have my desire fulfilled.

My parents had effectively hidden everything from me, and from the age of about 6, I was addicted to chasing the image on the other side of my mother’s hand. I didn’t realize that it was all to keep me safe. Regardless, I followed the bait for years until I stumbled into the den of the hunter.

Years later, I am struggling to be free of these shackles which have grown with my legs. I desperately fight a battle in my head day after day, and I cry out for help from our God. It is not that God is not good, or that he will not help me. Time after time, I know that I COULD walk away with his strength, yet the pit of desire that burns to destroy me calls me by name, and like a fool, I follow…

I am familiar with the “trite cultural christian” speech that you speak of. I agree with your view on the nonsense that is transmitted during sunday sidewalk babbles. I want to make all that you have said fit this empty jigsaw puzzle piece that I am trying desperately to fill. But I am still left with questions…

I make the following statements and ask the following questions in a spirit of honesty (not debate).

How should we be sexual (inside of a marriage and outside of a marriage)? What is sexual restoration? How should we view ourselves from a sexual perspective (generally speaking)?

My theology says God’s will doesn’t happen automatically, God’s already blessed us with everything, and our words (/attitudes) are crucial to bringing those blessings into their physical forms, and therefore our prayers should be like 90%-100% thanksgiving and 0%-10% requests (which are usually in the form of complaints). Of course, I’m just making up those numbers, but even so, my tendency has still been to ask God for things He’s either already done, told me to do, or never going to do because He doesn’t work that way. I think trying your experiment would be a good way to form a lifelong, life-changing habit.

Thanks for sharing; it’s always encouraging to read these.

HE is RISEN!