by Israel Beachy
EA=Evangelical Approved
ER=Evangelical Rejected
Superman- Superman represents the ultimate Christ figure in pop culture. He came from above to save humanity. He flies, he rescues, he hears prayers and never looks through girls clothes with his x-ray vision. the ‘S’ is for savior. EA
Spider-man- Spidey is a pretty standard protestant. Peter Parker is the archetypal boy-next-door so he probably goes to church every now and then and prays when he needs a raise at the Daily Bugle. But being religious and not talking about it with anyone or wearing christian T-shirts puts you in the lukewarm category. Sorry web-head, better start passing out tracts. ER
Batman- Though dark and brooding, his ends justify his means including bending social ethics. If it’s for the greater good, it can be rationalized whether its invading civilian privacy or beating the crap out of people for information. Dick Cheney would LOVE this guy. Also, he tends to brutalize fruity guys dressed in purple. EA
X-men- While Wolverine represents as much of a ‘mans man’ Mark Driscoll could ever want to be, he is Canadian which is one point against him. However, the unforgivable sin of promoting evolution and mutation as means for their origins is a bottomless pit even the über-religious Nightcrawler can’t teleport out of. ER
Ironman- Tony Stark’s job is a weapons dealer and he fights bullies in Iraq. If that’s not a just-cause war, I don’t know what is, plus he fights alongside a guy named War Machine. War-mongering and keeping the arms-race running at full steam are his ace in the hole. EA!
Hulk- Evangelicals love the Hulk, and hate his alter-ego Bruce Banner. So when Bruce can’t figure something out with his cold, secular intellect he has to harness the power of his primal rage like the ark of the covenant killing pagan philistines. Factoring in the wussy alter-ego and the fact that he’s green (liberal agenda): Hulk in, Banner out. ER
Punisher- Punisher is the 2nd Amendment spokesman. File this one next to the picture of Jesus holding a rifle. EA with a bullet
Daredevil- C’mon. He promotes satanism with his moniker, fights big business (Kingpin) and practices social justice by being a non-profit lawyer? Glenn Beck would throw a fit. ER
Hellboy- Hellboy on the other hand promotes fear of Hell & eternal punishment with his name alone. Oh, he’s a demon? It’s ok, its for the greater good. Welcome to the flock, Red. EA
